I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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