He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
