My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
