We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
