No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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