My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
