well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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