He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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