I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
a search helicopter?!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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