every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Be still, my beating vagina.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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