How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
