So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
