super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
