The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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