I can text with my tongue
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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