The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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