I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
