yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
