how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize