so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
