Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
