Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize