god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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