Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
