i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
