His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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