forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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