i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
