Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
