i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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