I smell stomach acid.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
