No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
