I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
