why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
