Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
