You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
