I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
