I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
