Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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