my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
