new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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