i dont even know how to be here
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
