if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
