You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this just has baby written all over it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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