Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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