try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
