Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
