That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Too much gin, very little bucket
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize