Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
