I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
