the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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