Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
