No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
