apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
