You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
