Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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