i need an iv and a liver transplant
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
