i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
