he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
