You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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