I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
