i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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