it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
