Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
