i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
