did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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