Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
