just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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